To Fire 7/7/08

I downloaded a free trial of World of Warcraft and am playing some. The only restriction I’ve found so far is no ability to buy or sell at the auction house. It would be cool if we could play together with low-level characters. I prefer playing a tank (warrior) nowadays. I’m available most early to mid evenings (Pacific time). Are you in a Qt3 guild?

I’m headed to Ann Arbor July 19-21 to visit a college friend. He says he doesn’t want to talk politics all the time ;).

I saw Wall-E last week which was very good although it had the usual Disney problems. I’m seeing The Dark Knight on opening night which is getting many very good reviews.

Is your summer going well? We’ve had many nice sunny days here, with only occasional excessive heat.

To Fire 6/18/08

I’m reminded of Dante’s Inferno, where the author passes through hell to reach heaven. Doing this is a very bad idea.

For me the trip took place from 1997 to 2000. I was becoming utterly disillusioned with both the educational system and American society and was very angry about my Usenet experience, which I thought might offer a hope for America but instead merely reflected and worsened the culture. Partially in fear and despair and partially to learn I put on the mantle of a totalitarian dictator with respect to the messageboards of two web-based games – Voltec’s 1-on-1 basketball game (beginning in ’97) and then Grand Slam Baseball (beginning in ’98).

The psychology of a totalitarian dictator is not like it’s portrayed in various media – the primary motivation of a dictator is to save the people from themselves. Since there is a constant interplay between dictator and the people, in order to win and turn the people into sheep the dictator needs to convince them that they are better off to put themselves in the hands of the dictator. He doesn’t do so for nefarious reasons, but because he believes them to be better off if they turn themselves in.

A common misperception is that the best defense against a totalitarian dictator is a kind of paranoia about the possibility of such – and violent reaction against anything that threatens to subvert one’s will. The best way to defend against such dictators is to be a great self-manager – to always command oneself not out of fear of subversion of the will but out of love of freedom, which requires such self-management.

The problem for me was not this project of totalitarianism, but that the project succeeded. I turned people into sheep, and they handed over their will to me. This was an abyss of horror far worse than anything else I’ve experienced or conceived.

It was inevitable following this tragedy that I become a severe enemy of totalitarianism, since I am one of the very few living humans (especially young ones) who understands it and since one of the major reasons I undertook the project was that I saw the United States moving in that direction.

I didn’t have any idea I was undertaking a totalitarian project when I started – my intellectual basis for the project was the Domination/Imitation Duology, which I developed in 1997. I noticed that people would imitate the behavior of people around them, such as people in an auditorium sitting a certain way. My focus was on the psychology of domination and to understand the basis for this domination and imitation.

Perhaps the endpoint of this line is in my allegiance to and pursuit of anarchism, which is the anti-thesis of totalitarianism.

Dante was wrong. It’s self-abusive to go through hell to reach heaven. Humans should never make that sacrifice. We need to build a society such that other humans don’t think they need to take that approach.

How’s Qt3 going? The place seemed fairly mean-spirited a few months ago when I checked in.

How have you been doing? – are there any developments in your life? Are you still writing?

To Fire 6/9/08

I’m participating in the unloading of 9 trucks a week, at an estimated average of 1200 boxes per truck – so that’s 10,800 boxes moved per week. I get paid about 2 cents per moved box, and that’s including for free the various box-moving preparations and other assorted tasks.

How’s your summer going? I like the summer in particular since the Notre Dame library is nearly empty and books are very easy to find. Maybe too easy – it’s as if college students and faculty don’t read. They can make the effective argument that they don’t need to.

I’m playing some of Dragon Quest VIII and Final Fantasy XII on the PS2 I’m borrowing from a friend. That’s gotten me interested a bit in continuing my RPG short story, although my time these days is very short.

I’ve entered the scholarly phase of my life which I predicted wasn’t going to happen for another five years. I’m reading over one book per week at the moment – I just finished Joel Kovel’s Overcoming Zionism and started Seymour Hersh’s The Samson Option, both very good. After that I’ll probably move to The Colonizer and The Colonized.

Are you making new friends in San Francisco? Are some of your old ones still there? San Francisco must be one of the most fun places to be in the country right now, even if you’re apolitical.

I haven’t read much of War and Peace, although it’s still on the agenda. Once I whittle down my Notre Dame library reading list that will open up more time for it.

I’m looking for more books to add to my reading list, if you have any recommendations. I’m happy to read fiction or non-fiction.

How’s World of Warcraft going for you? Are you playing in a guild?

Talk to you later.

To Fire 5/18/08

I’ve been watching a Starcraft Tournament which is extremely entertaining. They also have a World of Warcraft Tournament.

We’ve seen repercussions of the food crisis recently. Rice prices are up 35% here. Pasta is up 40%. This is a kind of regressive tax, as is the big hike in the gas price. It warms my heart to know that through my purchases I’m helping some agro-business CEO buy his 2nd yacht. Don’t you know how much he’s looking forward to another vacation in Rio?

What are you doing this summer?

I’m reading Black Faces, White Masks by Fritz Fanon. It’s very good although a political and economic approach is more useful than it’s psychological one.

I enjoy Mondays since I have the day off from work and can go to the Notre Dame library to read. I may expand my Notre Dame reading to some work days as well in the near future.

What are you reading now?

Take care.

To Fire 4/22/08

How’s your writing going?

Someone at work plays WoW – she told me a bit about the level 70 game. It seems that the changes in the game the past couple of years have been mostly positive. What’s your main character there?

How many more years of school do you have for your degree?

What are your activities besides school, cats, family/friends, and WoW? Do you do anything local?

To Fire 4/11/08

Hi Fire,

How’s it going? What are you going to be doing this summer? How is WoW going for you now, and how did it go your first time around?

This blog reflects my web-browser based internet activity. I link to about 30% of the articles I read/watch. A couple sites (The Real News, much of Comedy Central) can’t be directly linked to with respect to specific segments.

I’m playing a few games. I’m in an online baseball league for the game Out of the Park Baseball 2007. I also play Renaissance Kingdoms and I play the highly rated flash games on Newgrounds. I also sometimes play oldschool and freeware RPGs. I’ve heard that my local library has new and/or newish PC games for checkout so I’m looking into that in another 10 or so days.

I really like the Newgrounds games not so much for the enjoyment but because they allow me to see developments in gameplay over time – since the games reflect the mainstream games. There’s some pretty cool new gameplay out there, but it’s all very casual and very much non-epic. The Fancy Pants gameplay has brought new life to the platformer genre.

I’m running a semi-vegan diet, if there is such a thing as that. It’s vegan except for two things – I eat at restaurants once every two weeks which almost always includes meat and I drink one quart of chocolate milk once a week. If you ever want to go vegan I can set you up with a diet plan and various substitutions to account for your specific tastes. The diet is not only vegan (and therefore minimal in saturated fat and cholesterol free), it’s also low in sodium (it can be quite low depending on your budget) and high in protein.

I thought that not eating meat would be very difficult, but when I eat meat at restaurants I don’t enjoy it nearly as much as I used to, so going nearly meat-free (like meat every few months) shouldn’t be a problem.

Are you staying in touch with your San Diego friends effectively? Mike and Glenn must miss having you around.

How’s life in San Francisco going?

Brian

To Fire 3/18/08

How’s it going over there?

I’m reading The Creation of the Media by Paul Starr. It details the political and institutional development of the American media. It’s excellent.

I’ve begun War and Peace. It’s fun, although the characters are already exasperating and they’ll probably become more so. Hopefully some War will happen soon and kill off some of these people. The term “chattering class” comes to mind.

To Fire 3/3/08

How are you doing? I’ve started War and Peace – so far it’s a lot more readable than I expected. I take the bus to work and it’s a long ride so I get to do a lot of library-book reading.

How is your studying going? Are you extending your computer science training or going in a different direction?

Types of Poverty in order of degree of suffering

Material poverty: lack of one or more of the basics – healthy food in a quantity so as to provide full nutrition, shelter, clothing, health care

Spiritual poverty: lack of solidarity, of communal togetherness

Sexual poverty: lack of sexual relations

Social poverty: lack of social relations

Intellectual poverty: lack of understanding of one’s reality

The left overwhelmingly focuses on Material poverty and nearly entirely ignores the other types.

To Fire 2/9/08

How’s it going?

To Fire 1/22/08

How are you doing?

To Fire 1/1/08

I hope you’re doing well. Have a great 2008!

To Fire 12/24/07

Happy Hanukkah! I hope you’re doing well and look forward to talking with you.

To Fire 12/7

Would you like to talk in a chatroom?

To Fire

I like you. I’m happy to be your friend. I’m happy to continue to hear from you in any way you’d like. However, I’m not your friend unless you treat me like you treat your other friends.

A Thank You to some people

Some people on Qt3 are treating me like a real human being. Thank you.

However, I’m in a lot better shape than even those people seem to think. They jump to too many conclusions.

Its been a great month. Fortunately I’ll never have a month like this ever again.

Perhaps the situation does compute after all

I’ve been trying to analyze what’s happened over the past few weeks (San Diego already seems like it happened a lifetime ago) with respect to the feelings other people have for me.

I still see one discrepancy, which I’ll try to resolve through private communication.

I want to encourage other people to talk to me. Despite my passion and my commitment to what I believe in, I can be talked to and communicated with on a normal level, and much more so now that my domination has been broken. There is no need to use innuendo and subtle underhanded talk. No more games.

I appear insular, but my insular world exists only within the confines of my essays. I will more aggressively seperate myself from them!

Friendship and love require no manipulation

Sometimes its difficult to distinguish *instruction* from manipulation. The end is the same (except a difference in degree of control), its the motivation that differs.

Successful communication, successful interaction, breeds friendship and love. Unsuccessful transactions result in desperation (for successful interaction) that *lead to* instruction or manipulation.

Endlessly in my own life I have debated whether I instruct or manipulate, and I have tried just as endlessly to ensure instruction. Noone, including myself, has been convinced or satisfied.

I should have taken a step back and focused on the failure that led me to instruction/manipulation in the first place… if I’d lacked that failure friendship would have prevented such a hideous debate.

Perhaps the humans who have helped me so greatly recently are they themselves subject to a lack of successful communication… they understand all too well the next required step and were able to use it with me, weathering the inevitability of my questioning of their motivations.

I wish for more human contact with the ones I love. This solitude, however useful, is far too painful.

Welcome, Trust

I’ve long had a problem with trust. You’ve come to know the reasons.

I want to be able to trust again… I weep for myself when I accuse my friends of deceit.

I fear being hurt, or shall I say being hurt *again*, but that is truly cowardice.

Friendship requires trust, and I will not fail to trust my friends.

I feel like a man behind a window with you on the other side. We will shatter the glass.